I love the feeling of the illusion of control and getting what I want

When it is destroyed and realize it Was actually a illusion, we started to feel miserable and shit. Better to be in reality. Because it hurts, but it is much more tragic to realize what i see was actually illusion. The conflict between illusion and reality is a kind of hell we experience. When  I found what is wrong about that. I am one step head of getting out from the hell.

we use words to understand the world better. My goal is having the exact map of the reality.

usually, when we encounter the reality that break the illusion we have about oneself. WE distort the reality, and rationalize I am right, no matter what. Using reasons or ignore that something is wrong about myself. That leads to distorted thinking.